“The grass is probably greener on the other side because it’s fake.” (Cue 651 Facebook likes – all women)

When did we become so bitter, so apathetic…so hopeless? We live in a time where we need all the hope we can scrape up. We know this, yet, we continue to be the hopeless or surround ourself with the hopeless. If we have no hope, we set the next generation up for failure because we cannot empower or encourage. As women, we are supposed to see each other, love each other, support and encourage each other.

Listen. When I got ready to get married, that’s when I heard the most negative things about relationships and marriage. Things like: Marriage is just a piece of paper, all men cheat, I don’t know why people get married anymore, there’s nothing real left out here…you get the picture. I love my husband. Neither of us are perfect and we’ve had our challenges but marriage is beautiful. Companionship is dope. We committed to each other and we’re in the trenches doing the work and on the mountaintops trying to not get number 2 right away. It’s real. We’re here. We show up every single day. We have friends that tell variations of the same story. [ Surround yourself with sister souls doing the dang thang and doing it well…or at least positively].

Love exists. Chivalry may be a little less practiced but it ain’t dead! Also…there are men that are (as my gma would say) “wuffadamn.”

When I got pregnant, I only heard the WORST stories about pregnancy. Not once did I hear of a joyous experience. It was like the sisterhood of the traveling belly experience group lined up to make sure I was scared out of my mind. I was anxiety ridden. So I prayed for a different experience…one to set me up to be a hope dealer! I had so much fun delivering this handsome boy of mine. We had a “my epidural wore off” hiccup but a quick top off got me together. It was beautiful. It was long and hard but I found strength I didn’t know I had. It was one of the sweetest days of my life.

When I had Leo, I was told how fast he’d grow up and how many sleepless nights I’d suffer through. Guess what, thank God, my kid slept through the night from the time he came home. Even if he hadn’t, there would still be so many beautiful moments I didn’t expect. Nobody told me about how my heart would feel like it was bursting, in the best way, when he learned to say “Mama.” No one mentioned the joy of watching my husband sing him to sleep. The first person who told me to enjoy every single moment, without a preceding horror story, was a man at church.

You get the picture. Let’s not even talk about how married women (ESPECIALLY CHURCH WOMEN) talk about the burden of the chore of sex once you’re married. Sorry deaconess – I’m really enjoying the ride. Pun intended.

I’m raising a black boy…full of black boy joy. If he is to have hope, I must have hope. My soul has to be so full of hope that it spills over and fills his soul. They’re watching us. They’re mimicking us. He will mimic hope, love, peace and black boy joy. May we become hope dealers so that our children have hope instead of fear.

Courage isn’t the opposite of fear…hope is. Hope brings us to action. If we have hope -we can do anything. Let’s raise our families to believe in better, to speak better and to believe better. Let’s be okay believing that the grass may actually be greener on the other side. If it is greener, there are some subject matter experts there and we could use their knowledge and them to walk alongside us.

There’s never a second thought when we yell at the men in our lives to “just ask for directions” or to call professionals to fix things instead of making them worse. Let’s do the same.

If her grass is greener – ask her what she uses. See her. Congratulate and uplift her. Take notes on how she’s overcoming challenges and creating successes. Ask her to walk alongside you.

Hating on her grass isn’t going to change it’s glow and it sure it’s going to change yours.

If you’re the smartest and most successful one in the room…you’re stuck and it’s time to move. Move and simultaneously reach back to help your fellow sister soul. This is how we live out the meme that says : “Straighten another Queens crown without letting the world know it was crooked.” It’s not a competition, there’s room for everyone at the table.

Hope dealing is the new feminist. Get to it.

My kid is doing that crying thing they told me he would. Gotta go!

B